Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
