I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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