She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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