Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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