I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
