Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this boner is exhausting
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
