We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
