Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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