Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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