am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it hurts more in the daytime
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
