and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
