Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
