The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
