she was so not down for the gang bang
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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