Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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