i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
