if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this beer tastes like vomit already
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
