just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
