I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
