mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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