Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
