I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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