Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
