He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
