Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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