shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
