Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
that's an acceptable place to lick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
