ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
