hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
