did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
