Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
