found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
