i may or may not be watching the land before time
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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