you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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