I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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