I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
