i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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