I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
