I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The best revenge is premature balding
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
