Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
