she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
