I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
