"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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