This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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