Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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