I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
