FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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