apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
