when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
