Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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