just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
