Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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