Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
