the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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