So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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