This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
