Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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