she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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