btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
