even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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