I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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