Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize