A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
