You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
