I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
