Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
