Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
