I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
