Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
