look no pants
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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