yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
