Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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