dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
