Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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