Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
