I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
this boner is exhausting
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
