To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
