Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
