We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
